The Tonight War

The original title for this post was “The Sex War” which would make my family disown me in the blink of an eye. Perhaps it would get more views but it would be nothing but an eye grabber. Why I decided to call it the Tonight war? More or less, all your conflicts happen during the night. If you haven’t guessed it, I will go ahead and say it. Yes, this is about those lonely nights when your screen is horizontal and your browser is in incognito.

Trojan Horse

I often thought that dating is a rich people commodity. Something only celebrities do. For many years, that was the case. You hang out with a girl, she is immediately branded as your girlfriend by everyone around you. Is it possible to be friends with a girl and not fall in love? Is it possible to be around a few girls and still be considered single? The answer is most definetly yes. Here is where I am going to throw you a curve ball. Why is that you have so many friends who are girls and none of them have fallen in love with you?

The answer to that question, my friend, is still a black hole that doesn’t retain information. The Trojan horse is the amount of care that you have for a person that eventually turns into developed feelings. You do care about that one homeless person you generously gifted 10 rupees to but that doesn’t mean you have feelings for them. You might care for a person so long that you woudn’t know when exactly you caught this sickness of butterflies in your stomach. That is when the war begins. Two halves of yourself. A friend and a wannabe Romeo. We all know how that story ends. The friend is brutally wounded, still alive. Romeo becomes Darth Vader of feelings and haunts you for the rest of your life. No matter the amount of self control you have, you are never going to win that battle.

Maybe your romeo pulled it off. Maybe the girl you had a feelings for accepted your proposal. That’s not the case for everyone. For many of normal folks who grew up watching “The Mummy” hoping to marry an adventourous introvert librarian, we always end up watching the Romeo become someone so ugly that he is no longer considered cute.

The Sage Cleanse

Men have a reputation of not knowing when to stop. I can easily say that I have noticed same behaviour in women (whoa, don’t open that door) but for the sake of peace and prosperity we are going to assume only men have no moral compass. I used to be disgusted by men who constantly hit on my female friends even after the obvious rejections. Until one day, life slid me those same shoes to wear. As you can tell, I was disgusted with myself.

Have we been misled by every disney movie ever created? Or every Bollywood movie that glorifies creepy courtship? You grow up watching Shrek, a green ogre who has feelings for another green ogre who turns out to be a princess. (It is from Dreamworks, not Disney. I know. Stop yelling.) Cinderella, marries a guy who went all across the kingdom with a shoe in his hand to see who matches the right size. Let’s say we forgive the fact that cinderella has a foot size that doesn’t remotely match with any one at all despite being a human being of same height as other villagers, why would you even think that someone carrying a shoe around is not emotionally abusive but romantic?

You want to know why it is Romantic? Because he is a Prince.

I know we shouldn’t dwell on movies and draw a straight line to real life and call out all the story tellers for ruining our childhood, but it is quite obvious that we all want to have a happily ever after. So, what happens if a fancy no-Prince carries the shoe? He gets whipped and possibly a guillotine, if you are lucky. If stars are not aligned, you might be even thrown off a ship (A relation-ship) with stones tied to your leg. The audience is divided on this one because not everyone thinks cinderella is a romatic story. However, a shoe could be “He puts up with my crazy behaviour.”

The SellSword

There is a sense of pride when it comes to broken hearts. Have you noticed that they are way more funny than people who are actually in a relationship? These people with messed up love life are fun to be around aren’t they? Don’t we just LOVE good company. What once was a defining moment in your life becomes a quip that makes people laugh. God forbid you shed a tear or two, people are quick to send a puppy your way and ask you to grow a beard. (Bollywood reference.) Either you could start building a better YOU or Wallow in self pity until life happens to you. In both these scenarios, you are still a SellSword. Honor has no room in your heart anymore. You are trying to live from one kill to the other. Flirting and showing off, getting into bar fights, not really respecting anyone who has a boundary because you think its all a scam.

A reckless behavior that makes you want to do things you would never do otherwise like ordering four medium pizzas and watching Masterchef as if we know squat about mexican cuisine. The ones who are in a relationship consider you weird. The normal people, if you will. The ones who do not look at the stars and wonder if there is life far away from the planet. The ones who do not write poems for their loved ones. The ones who think sex is all a woman has to offer. The ones who determine the value of a man based on the size of his penis or the line of his Jaw. The ones who do not spend their evenings thinking about how to make this world a better place. Yeah, you will always be a SellSword to those normal people. A big jug of entertainment. You are hanging out with the wrong crowd if people around you are literally shocked to know you are capable of building a strong relationship with a significant other.

You spend most of your life looking at princes carrying shoes. Needless to say, it is quite funny and keeps you amused for a while. No matter what you do or how you behave, you will never get back to that innocent boy standing in front of a balcony, hoping that she doesn’t notice your crooked nose or your frizzy hair. World has a funny way of putting you in your place. All it takes is one phone call, someone crying to help them from abuse when you would have given them the world if they had chosen you. A reminder that you cannot switch your classes mid-way, just like in video games. Exactly like in video games.

The Nomad

Now you are here, reading this. Jumping from one post to the other. One browser to the other. As if you are walking across a valley of ice mountains, wearing a torn up hoodie with no arrows in your quiver and no water to drink. You go about your business not bothering anyone. Love is a concept for you, nothing more. Sometimes you wonder if you would have been better off whoring your way around relationships. Well, only the princes get to whore, don’t they?

It wouldn’t surprise me if we Nomads don’t ever get a happy ending. Why should we? But the best part is we don’t give a fuck. Who needs a happy ending when you have survived every lonely birthday nights and New Years eve? Although I would recommend getting a plant, it doesn’t fuss about like a puppy, it simply exists with whatever water it can get from the balcony. Just like you and me. Isn’t it funny that we all started out the same way? Different bullets sure, but same emergency ward. I am not here to promise you happiness or light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps someday, the cavalry comes to save you from the cold. A random traveller takes you home. It is highly unlikely that people would suddenly give attention to a nomad when they didn’t care enough when you were properly bathed and fully clothed.

I know this for a fact that as Nomads, we do not know who we like or who is the “One”. We have forgotten what is like to be held close. To be told that love is more than just a concept. We no longer wait for a proper goodbye or long for a morning hello. We hold years of hurt in the apple of our eyes. We aren’t empty either. We move from one place to the other, one person to the other. Wanting to make a connection not because we want to feel good but because the weight in our eyes has started to make us blind. We are scared that we won’t find our way home.

So what if you are little desperate? What if you like someone who is so close and yet so far away? What if you have poems that will never be written? What if you cared a lot than people think you did? What if you like someone who doesn’t deserve it? What if you love someone who probably won’t believe it? What if you spend the night on a browser? What if you become a laughing stock? What if people make fun of you? What does it matter?

If you are single and don’t have secret admirers or people hitting on you constantly or there is nobody making plans with you and you are simply left to the mercy of a mobile screen, you are fighting a war with the Night. Not knowing if you are good enough, not knowing when all the heart breaks will make sense, when all this will end. This lonely war that happens everytime the sun goes down. The Tonight war. Forget about the people who consider you dramatic, because they too would behave weird if they are kept in isolation. If I dare say so, they would go mad. Don’t worry about those who are making memories. Let them have their night. Be happy that someone is having the time of their lives.

You know in your heart of hearts that in all of this hurt, in all of this exile, you can still love a person to the moon and back.

That, my darling, is all that matters.