Whatever it takes

When was the last time you felt home? When you absolutely lived in that moment alone and was truly and sincerly happy. Maybe it was while having a hot soup on a rainy day or Maybe it was a slow hug from a special someone. Maybe it was with your friends, talking random nonsense and laughing at everything that was being said. How much will you trade to get those moments again? How far will you go to fall in love for the first time again? Once you are old enough, we go through moments in life that leave a scar. That makes it so difficult to hope that we would be happy like a child again. Have you been through a battle and lost? Have you got your heart broken and never could fix it? Have you lost a friend and never had a replacement? Have you walked through failures and never saw victory again?

If your answer is yes, then Buckle up. We are going to get our lives back.

Space stone

When space doesn’t remind you of the moon or the stars, you know you have been through a lot. We often give space to people who don’t deserve it. Deny it for the people who would want to share it. We often float around in a void, trying to connect with others who are doing the same thing. The greatest theft that someone could incur is steal your sense of space. If they were too close to you, anyone who is just a little further seem too distant. Anyone who tries to get even closer reminds you of the scar that you have.

It all starts with a little nudge and then slowly, completely you give your space away. It is true not just for people, but also for things. We are slaved by things that take up space. It could be the phone you are holding right now or a gift that you shouldn’t be having. Often times the first step to get back your happiness is to reclaim your space. Define it. Draw a line if you have to. Of coarse it doesn’t make any sense to build a wall when you are starving in the middle of a desert, but do it. It could be one of the bravest things you have ever done in your life.

Once you have built wall, have your visitors but let them pay you with kindness and respect if they want to stay. I know that an average person isn’t that attractive for people to stay at a cost, most people would want to use you for free or Keep it casual. Reclaim your space at all costs. You are under no obligation to go on trips or do meet ups or see movies with a group of people who treats you any less than the superstar you are. If you are hurting, you need to reclaim your space.

So how do I do it? Keeping away from people will only make me more miserable and even toxic. I hear ya. It is quite simple if you look at it this way.

“A person without self control is like a city with broken-down walls.” ¹

Happiness starts at home. You have to protect your city, your King’s landing and give yourself a chance. You can miss a thousand weary attractive travellers but never let a thief inside.

Time stone

Most people say that we cannot change the past or that we cannot control our future. That is bullshit. That is what people say when they want to sugarcoat you. If you were told that you could change those, if you were given hope – They are afraid that it might kill you. Sure enough it will. But then, what if you really changed your past? What if all that hurt and anger that you have inside you changes because you see your past differently? Will you still dwell in self hatred? Will you still think about that one time when you weren’t good enough?

You are more powerful than an atomic bomb. You can change the future. You see that airplane? Someone thought they would exist in the future and it came to pass. Every dream, every world cup, every shot on target, all of it starts with you believing that you can change the future. But that belief was stolen from us. It happened when you walked back home, while fighting off your tears.

I don’t have a fancy time machine but listen to this.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” ²

We have a tendency to maginify special moments. Even magnify them out of proportions in a way that nothing could ever come closer to it. It feels really good when the person or the situation is still there in your life. It could be the first time you rode a bike or saw the sunrise at the beach. You tell yourself that you would never be able to have happiness again because such a thing will not repeat itself. Either the situations have changed or the person has gone.

What if the only reason that person existed in your life was to take you to beach that day? The happy marriage you long for in the future, will come at a cost of someone’s heartbreak. Your special person will have to break someone’s heart to get to you. That is the price we all pay. The cost of your friendship is the lifeline of someone else. The ugly and fat you is the invisibility cloak that stops you from getting into all the wrong relationships that would keep taking the bits and pieces of your heart until nothing is left. You are not going to die alone just because your past is plagued with bad decisions. There are people who made the absolute best decisions in their lives, millionaires who suddenly killed themselves because they felt empty.  Decisions only change the direction of where you are going, it might let you take a longer route home but eventually your dreams will come to pass.

A 39 year old single mother saw a future where she can get out of poverty and be able to feed her kid. She changed her past now, She is a billionaire.
Yes, I am talking about J.K Rowling.

Never convince yourself that you cannot change your past, because five years from now – Today is your past. You told yourself years ago that you will never recover from that debt, you will never lose weight and that you will never find anyone. And whatever you said has come to pass. You still are in the same place you were years ago. Do something different today, try telling yourself that you are going to have the best life that you could ever imagine.

Speak your future into existence.

Mind stone

If you think you cannot put up with stupid people, you are not alone. To be honest, stupidity can have a direct correlation with genetics. Genetically stupid people find it impossible to exhale while they look at their noses.

If you just tried that, you are stupid. There is no such thing as Genetically stupid people.
This is what is called manipulation.

If you didn’t fall for the trick, don’t be so boastful. You might be one of those manipulative pshycopaths running around ruining other people. Keyword – Might be.

If there was ever a struggle that has only one in a 14 millionth of a chance of winning is the one where your mind is attacked. The reason why nobody talks about manipulation is that they don’t think of it as a bad behaviour. After watching Joker in Batman movies, being unpredictable was the new sexy. Being possessive or playing with emotions have become so common that it has become a norm. People brag about how they don’t respect each other in a relationship. How come we lose respect for someone once they become friends with us? I know this is an un-popular opinion, but underneath all that good sport where you tease your friends or push them around, there is a demon lurking around.

It is that mentality of feeling comfortable only when you are treated like a little less of a person. It has been established that you cannot be friends with anyone unless and until they insult each other. On the surface, it is quite harmless. But within the context of relationship, it can be devastating. Nobody who has your best intrests would ask your permission to do something that would hurt you. Nobody who loves you truly would ask you to do something that would scar you for life. Nobody would ask you to sleep with them if they truly loved you.

The only way your mind can get attacked is through trust.  When you have trust issues, it is a stamp on your forehead for the rest of your life and anyone who is worth spending your life with has to prove time and time again that they can be trusted. People have changed the definition of love so much that it has a new name called Friendzone. If your girlfriend isn’t your best friend, then what is the point you are trying to make? That you are connected just emotionally and physically but your brain loves being with someone else? You cannot be in love with someone if you so sure that you don’t connect on all three levels. The tricky part is, not everyone will tell you that they are connected with you and even if they did, there is no guarantee that they are being honest.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs”³

If they keep reminding you of the same mistakes you did just to keep you around, that is not love. Of coarse it is not possible to be lovey dovey all the time. I know couples who are married for love and drive each other crazy, but that is in the context of marriage. Know the difference.

Mind is the first one to take the hit when it comes to a heart break. Protect your mind by not accepting sub standard love. Because once you accept the lowest version of love, your brain will either think real love is too much or you are not meant to experience it. Loving can also mean loving yourself. Do not keep record of all the things you have done wrong. Don’t be angry with yourself. Self-love is not ignoring difficult conversations and acting as if you don’t care when you spend four thousand rupees on hair follicles. Self love is giving yourself a chance to do the right thing.

Reality stone

We watch a lot of content these days. I mean, A LOT. There isn’t a time in our day when we aren’t listening to songs or watching videos. There is a constant bombardment of information going inside your head over and over again. The skewed way of looking at things will cause you more harm than good. Nothing is ever enough anymore. Everyone in instagram is trying to show the world that they are living a better life. The more number of likes or friends you have, the more likely that you feel good about yourself. It has creeped into our lives to an extent that a person unfriending or not liking our picture can steal joy from your heart. You are stressed about everything. You are stressed about not making it big in life, stressed about getting older each day, stressed about missing out on things. When our happiness is based on this mirage like reality, sometimes living the actual life can make you depressed.

I have known people who have not given two damns in their lives until something happens and turns their world upside down. The one that we all call “Reality check”. We all have been there and that is what makes it really difficult to move on because what you experienced was an actual event. It makes you think that nothing good will ever come out of it. I am poor, I am short, I am ugly – we keep telling ourselves all this to cushion ourselves of some invisible monster called life that kicks us down when we are being happy.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” ⁴

All that you need to live without anxiety is to know the truth. To know certain fundamental things about yourself that nobody else can define. It takes only a perspective shift. A split second will make you look at things in a different way.

We live in a culture where everything is based on facts. Do not deny a fact in your life. Accept the reality. Yes, that one word hurt you real bad. Acknowledge it.  People are too busy running away from one thing to the other, afraid that their sins will catch up. They think if they are too busy, or too occupied, they will not get depressed. No amount of sex or drinking will stop your reality to catch up with you. If you have been hurt to a point that it is now defining your behavior, admit that it was devastating. Write it down on a book. Because it is a fact that you were not good enough for something.

But here is the trick. Fact is not the truth. The truth is that you are functioning at the best possible version of you at the moment eventhough everything is falling apart all around you. There is literally no one on the whole world who could function better than you, in your shoes in any given moment. Do not trade your truth for a fact that keeps changing everytime you lose or gain 10 pounds.

Not giving a damn doesn’t mean losing compassion for other people. It will destroy your mind. Not giving a damn actually means you do not care about what’s on the medical report, you know the truth. You know your mom is going to make it out of the hospital. Take that gut feeling and check with your reality time and again. Yes, you are so poor you couldn’t afford the netflix subscription or buy an iphone and it drives you mad because everyone else got one. The truth is, there are people who would do anything to be you for just a few minutes. You are living someone else’s dream, be grateful for the reality you have and then begin to shift it little by little until you live the dreams you want. Never let anything chain you to the ground, any obstacle that comes your way is only a fact, not the whole truth.

Soul stone

If you are still reading this, then somewhere deep down inside your heart there a tiny little soul. I know a handful of people who keep mentioning “I need inner peace”. Guess what? They will never find it. You want to know why?

“See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone”⁵

You can never have inner peace if you are being selfish. Never in the whole cosmic time period will you get that calm and quiet inside your heart. You can fill in with a lot of things to stop making you feel empty all the time but in the end, if you are not helping others you would never be content with yourself.  The one reason why nothing materialistic things will ever satisfy you is because you are trying to cure your spirit from sickness by letting your body take the medicine.

You think if you have stuff you will be happier? You will finally be at peace? Even if you earn all the money you wanted and solved all your problems, you still have to live with yourself. The annoyed, self hating, miserable you. Why do you think celebrities kill themselves? Because they work so hard to get what they want and then figure out that they are still as lonely as they were when they didn’t have the money.  What if you are really tall but still don’t get attention? What if you have clear skin and still people fail to notice? It is better to live happily with flaws than to have everything and feel empty.

My life my rules, why should I even bother? I don’t care what happens to others, I am the one that matters – you know who else thinks that way? Terrorists.

I am not saying you are a terrible person who wouldn’t help a friend. Helping a friend is a given. You signed up for it. Try helping a stranger. I am not only talking about giving food to a homeless person in the roadside, It could be as simple as listening to someone for the extra five minutes until they fully vent out. You never know what that would mean to them. when is the last time you encouraged someone? When is the last time you spotted a talent and helped them grow instead of being Jealous? I am not asking you to sell your house for a stranger, but to lower your ego to a point that you can become a blessing to those around you.

Power stone

Even if you did get your space back, your time back, your mind back, your reality back and your soul back, none of it would mean a thing if you don’t get the power stone back. You need this one to make sure that you don’t fall into the loop again. You did all that hard work to make sure you have what it takes to be successful, but you need to shine like a star and not be just meat and bones.

Human beings are a funny lot. We believe that we are better than everything else when we have enough attention but when you are alone, you feel like you are no better than goat droppings. If this is you, your power comes from the outside, which is why you have never been able to get back on your feet as quickly as you would have hoped.

I don’t know about you but people don’t actually say that you are worthless in actual words. They say that you will never make it to the big stage with their actions. You could be having a huge dream and then they just shoot past that and talk about anything less important. Dreamers are set apart from the rest of the crowd, its a dance to death where you either stay a dreamer or become like everyone else. Because you have no power to stay awake the extra one hour and work on your dreams. You feel tired all the time eventhough you want to put that YouTube video that you have been thinking about.

You are stuck in a job that is sapping you and leaving you lifeless by the end of the shift. Sooner or later, you are going to give up because unlike popular belief, will power is not infinite. There is only so much of resistence you can have to pick yourself again. Discouragement is not just one statement that came out in a fight, it is a collection of thousands of  petty insults that strengthens your self doubt. You start the day with a huge smile on your face, by the end of the day you stare at your phone, scrolling through pictures of someone who looks better than you and are surfing on the ocean. You have convinced yourself to a point where you think your vacation will always be inside your bedroom, watching a mini series on the internet waiting for the food delivery guy to show up.

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made” ⁶

I know most of us don’t feel like we are hand crafted. Biology explains how we are just a single cell that grew out of a womb. Yes, that is a fact but the truth is you are not just another random mammal on the planet, you have been carefully designed like a supercar at one of the billion dollar factories of Ferrari and you have been living your life like you are a tri-cycle.

Think about the fear that your mother might have had when she was carrying you, every time she sat down, every time there was a speed bump on the road.  Every hair curl that you have, every spot on your body that you hate was designed to perfection. There are seven billion people on the planet, think about making a dress that is entirely and impossibly different than seven billion other dresses. I bet you can’t even send a text that unique. Since when did you start believing that you came into existence all by yourself? As if being ugly was your fault? As if being small and insignificant was a defect? You were being guarded in the womb like you are some sorta nuclear power source. The stuff that runs the sun.

And then you make other people smile, you have these little quirks that brings joy to your family. You are taking care of a dog who thinks that you are an entire world. You can create things, you have that little gift that nobody has noticed yet. You were not just a fancy piece of zygote, you were given a gift. You were not made to BE wonderful, you ARE made wonderful. The first time you spoke a word, I bet your house internet broke. You already had a significant social presence in your little world. The first time you got injured, the whole house was in a state of panic. You made the world around you notice. You had followers, you had random strangers trying to get your attention. If you do as much as an eye blink, people lost their minds. Don’t let ANYTHING OR ANYONE treat you as if you are insignificant. Because you didn’t survive all these years just to make people push you around and treat you for what they see on the outside. Go deep down to your roots, all the way back when you were a single cell if you have to. You fought your way, every step of the way to be the person you are now. What makes you think you will give up now? You have no quit in you. Quit doesn’t agree with you, Quit makes you sick.

Call your patronus, because you are going to walk through this fire in your life. You are going to be living your dreams because your power comes from within. Whether you forgot or not, your heart still remembers how many times you fell down. All your bones remember how many times you got back. Everything underneath your skin is fighting to give you another day. Whatever happens, remember that you are not going to be powerful or you are going to make it happen from tomorrow. You are already powerful enough to have made it this far.

Problems were not sent to you to knock you down, you were sent to the problem to attack it, to find a solution so that you can help others.

If you have stayed with me till the last line of the blog, you have patience. As far as I can tell, you already have your name written on all the dreams you have. It is just a matter of showing up to that place. A real gamer knows that the best way to win is not to cheat or lower the difficulty. The best way to win to fail as many times as possible to figure out a way.

I hope you get all your stones back and experience the life that you dreamt of. Go kick the world in its balls if you have to, remember. Whatever it takes.

 

 

 

 

All the quotes in the blog were taken from the Bible. Here are the references in the order of their appearance.

Proverbs 25:28

Hebrews 11:1

1 Corinthians 13:4

John 8:32

1 Thessalonians 5:15

Psalms 139:14

 

 

 

Disclaimer: Credits and ownership of the pictures in the blog solely belongs to its creator and Marvel studios.